I've been wanting to write a blog for a while, and as my brain filtered through a myriad of scattered topics and potentials, I sat back, looked at my thought process and just had to laugh, really. I hadn't even started writing an intro and my mind took me away.

'How are you going to introduce yourself?, How do you define who you are? By your parental status? Your job? Food preferences? Astrological sign? Philosophical insights?' These are all relevant to paint a story and to share my journey, but on what level do you go to? What did I want to achieve?

What can I offer another mum on a similar path?

And with that, I found an answer...

Hope. 

I'm a mamma bear of 3 wildly magical beings who are world changers in their own right with a 4th on the way... (yep, I'm a breeder, hahaha) I am also a silversmith, plant mamma, student of alchemical herbalism, medical astrology, plant magic, Ayurveda, permaculture and sustainability. I try to leave as small a footprint as possible though it's always a learning curve.

My kids: I look at them and I want them to grow up nurtured, happy, healthy and inspired in life. They drive me to be that also. The reality though is that after separating from their father, adulting and parenting were 2 very different things and I had only read one of those manuals.

Growing up, I wasn't the traditionalist... I had my kids very young, got married and was a stay at home mamma. Then got divorced. Yerrrpp.
I nailed being a mum. It came naturally to me and while I'm not perfect at it, I love it. I wanted more though. I wanted to be more... I wanted to study, learn some epic shit, have a career... they weren't going to be home forever!

And that my friends is why I'm writing this.

The path I chose was not easy and I often think I did everything the hard way. Apparently, I really wanted to push myself to life's very edge, hahaha. It took time to learn how to adult; the balance of keeping a home, working, paying bills, study, paying for study, rent of a full house, and still being able to be present to watch them grow: not so easy.

As a single mum you either have to sacrifice your time with the kids and work full time, or work around them and earn less which usually means you're just getting by each week, both being really tough options. So I decided to start my own business. Then I would have the freedom to be present with my kids, and the money to live our best life. 

*Insert 3 years of stress, more struggle, lots of 'FML' moments. And then there would be small wins, something epic would happen .. and IT WAS EPIC! And that kept me moving forward. And then, of course, more stress, hahahaa ...

The journey of silversmithing has been long, alchemical, magical, frustrating, and involved soooo much wasted time and money. I had this vision of what I wanted to create for myself and my family but did not know all of the steps that should have been taken to learn the skill properly. I did not at the time have access to professional lessons so it was all youtube, what I could learn from a few people around me on similar paths, and a fuck tonne of mistakes. Like seriously, simple stuff that would have been taught at lesson 3, I was having 'aaaah shit' moments 7 months later- many times considering giving up, but with my end goal burned deep into my cornea, such a strong inner determination was inspired in me- one I never before knew existed.

It's been a similar experience learning silver casting.

Once again, all I had was this inner vision of what I wanted to create, no idea if it was even possible, and no one I could find to teach me. It took 11months just to find someone with studio facilities that was willing to teach me (I had had a few people before that agree to do the same and then after waiting weeks and sometimes months, they backed out). Finally, my fractured vision was able to start taking small steps to get me to that end potential. Once again, the only thing that was driving me was this determination. No matter what came up, I refused to give up *anyone who has done casting I think can safely agree that it is a massive learning curve... lots of mistakes, molds not always working, sometimes up to 3 days in the studio just to get 1 piece to work.. oh, good times.

I look back at these past few years and I just think 'fucking geez Jess, why, did you not take the easy path?!' The path that has the 'how to start a business properly 101' with a step by step actionable plan that interweaves and flows so beautiful together- you know; the sensible, cheaper, time-saving path that grounded people take?!

Noppppe, not me!

I was impatient, making all of my decisions from a mind of stress and anxiety, and may as well been walking backwards, blindfolded through a path of big ass cactus..... *the metaphysical feeling was just as shit as if it was real!

But...

if I had taken the simple, grounded approach, I never would have discovered my inner drive, my determination and the refusal to let myself stay down when I had setbacks. I learned resilience. I learned problem-solving in times of financial strife, and creative ways to get myself to the next step when I didn't always have adequate resources. 

All of these skills you don't learn from books or school, you learn along the way and not everyone finds these qualities within.
I'm proud of these qualities, and now have a more grounded mindset to take the step by step approach. In a way, it's starting again- to better the business I have been slowly building all this time but now with a few years of wisdom behind me.

I'm still finding my way... still a fair few steps from my end goal, but here I am offering words of hope.

Hope- to all of those mums out there doing your thing; working or starting your own business in hope of creating a better life for your small humans and yourself, the words I offer you: remember your strength. 

In those toughest moments when you just want to give up, please don't.

Have faith in your ability to push through, find a way, and yes, sometimes, start over. Your greatest learnings can come from the hardest moments.

Laugh at yourself (I've found that can be the best when all you feel is 'woe is me') and remember WHY you're doing this!